Anger Management and The Little Blue Pill

When I am angry, really, really angry, I have a number of coping mechanisms: A long walk, a stiff drink, or some other distraction to take my mind off things.


Sometimes, though, these things are either inconvenient or ineffective. This is one of those times, and calls for the bringing out of the Big Gun: Transference. See, when I'm so angry that I just can't think clearly, it sometimes helps to concentrate on another matter, one that also pisses me off, so that I can vent my excess anger onto that issue, thus clearing the way for me to be able to think about my current situation more rationally.

I have chosen for today's distraction the Republican War on Women, and my therapy consists of drafting a letter to my Elected Representatives.

To Whom It May Concern (and it deeply concerns us all):

Due to the increasingly restrictive measures on the reproductive and sexual health choices of women, I have come to the conclusion that something is sorely missing in this situation. For some time, now, the reproductive and sexual health choices of men have suffered badly from neglect. I believe that it is time to remedy that situation! For too long, men have done without the oversight by legislative bodies in making their health decisions, and we are the worse off for it. How can we expect the men of this great nation to bear the burden of making their own health choices without their other responsibilities suffering? Something must be done!

To that end, I am writing to ask that you immediately draft and sponsor legislation that will serve to correct this egregious oversight. I am not a wise Legislator such as yourself, so I will offer a brief outline, which perhaps you can use to draft the legislation in appropriate language:

1. In order to receive a prescription for erectile dysfunction drugs (Viagra, Cialis, etc.), a man must provide written, notarized permission from his wife. No, scratch that. The wife must appear in person before a Family Court Judge, and state not only that she consents to this, but that she actually will be willing to have sex with her husband (for the purpose of procreation, of course).

2. Having provided the above, and having received said prescription, the man and his wife must provide documentation that the drugs were used solely for the purpose of procreational intercourse, within the confines of marriage. This documentation must take the form of written affadavits from both parties, video tape of the intercourse (vaginal only!), and witness statements from two parties not related to either participant.

3. Obviously, it goes without saying that no prescriptions, under any circumstances, will be written for unmarried men, as we all know how detrimental to our society sex outside marriage is! This also applies to homosexuals, Mormons (One Man, One Woman!) and anyone whose wife is not of child-bearing age.

I hope that you will join with me in seeking to relieve our menfolk of the burdensome responsibilities they now face, and in ensuring the continued chastity of our people and the sanctity of life and marriage.